There’s this thing called loneliness

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There is this thing called loneliness that I have come to know very well in my life. It started early, but it was not a scary loneliness – it was welcomed, and quite and comfortable. Now though the loneliness is dark and overwhelming and sometimes comes in waves that I cannot control. Most of the time it comes with panic attacks, and it feels so heavy that I cannot breathe. I don’t know how to fix it, though there are people who can keep the loneliness at bay.

My boyfriend is one of them, though I could never have guessed how hard it would be to be the girlfriend of a police officer. Anyone who has been in a relationship with a LEO knows the hardships they face, and the ones we face with them and by ourselves. There are so many days and nights that we spend alone, ruined plans weekend after weekend because of shifts that run over or mandatory overtime. They’re emotionally and physically drained from everything they deal with day in and day out, and we are too from dealing with the aftermath. Yet we learn to be strong, we learn to be independent and cherish the little bits and pieces of time that we do get with them. We kiss them hard every morning or night and remember that they’re out there being strong for everyone else, and that we have to be strong for them.

There are times that I feel incredibly alone being a police officer’s girlfriend, but there are some wonderful resources for us. National Police Wives Association is an awesome resource for anyone involved with a LEO, whether you’re a family member, wife or girlfriend. I always enjoy reading questions posed by new members and adding my voice to the many answers. I never hesitate to offer my friendship or shoulder to someone seeking help, especially in those situations. And I am here to offer the same thing – if any LEO wife, girlfriend, etc needs to talk or just vent I am always here. I’ll give you my email or phone number, because I know how lonely and difficult it can be. Us girls have to stick together!

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17 thoughts on “There’s this thing called loneliness

  1. Reading this brought tears to my eyes! You have said the exact words that I’ve tried so hard to explain and I don’t think anyone outside of knowing law enforcement really understands. I am a wife of a LEO and I have my days where my mind literally goes crazy. I don’t think anyone understands the life of a LEO than those of us who pray and wait for our loved ones to come home after their shift has ended.

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    • I know it’s so hard, and the worst part is feeling selfish for feeling the way we do. You’re absolutely right, if you’re not involved with a LEO you cannot possibly understand, which is why we have to stick together and lend our shoulders to one another when we’re feeling down or lonely! ❤

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  2. I too am a LEOW and there are many times I feel alone even though we have 2 children and I have many friends around but none of them know what it’s like to constantly worry if my husband is coming home or when will he be home. And many many more things and worries. Then when he is home how distant he is at times. 9 years and it still gets to me. I just make sure he knows I love him and am very proud of who he has become and is today.

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    • That’s sometimes the worst part, trying to talk to people who aren’t with a LEO and knowing they just don’t understand and never will. That’s why I felt it was so important to put this post up, and to let everyone know that I am here, even if it’s just for a once in a while pick-me-up comment and virtual hug lol.

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  3. I am also a girlfriend of a Police Officer and I have a 3 year old. It is so hard to plan things and we only see each other 2 times a week I cherish every moment we have together. Sometimes I feel lonely like you describe but when I get a text or phone call from him it makes things better. It’s stressful having to figure out holidays and birthdays according to his schedule but honestly I wouldn’t have it any other way. He is tired all the time because he works late nights and a lot of overtime and at first it was hard but now I cherish him even more because he is so selfless and so caring or everyone else. When he starts his shift I worry until the time he gets home. I am glad to know someone else understands.

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  4. Thank you for this. It has been more difficult than I thought dealing with many of the LEO challenges and it can feel so alone. I’ve been a LEO girlfriend for two years and this is the first time I have ever reached out to someone else. So again, thank you for letting me realize we aren’t alone.

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    • I’m so glad you commented – you really can reach out to me any time you need. I too find it hard to reach out to other LEO wives, especially since my boyfriend is in a small department and I see more of the boys than I do their significant others. Truly no one understands unless they’ve been in our shoes, and we really do need to look out for one another, no matter how far apart we are.

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  5. I sympathize! I went through the craziness of the police academy with him and the crazy shifts that constantly changed when we were recently married. Ive gotten used to the loneliness I try to keep myself occupied because I did have those panic spells too, but they go away as time passes. We do go through a lot and many people do not realize it . Not only with the crazy hours and practically non-existent holidays but with the recent hate for LEOS thats been perpetuated over the nation in the past few weeks. I pray for him and all our officers out there that serve. We LEO wives/fiances/girlfriends are some strong women and we need to try to stay strong for our LEOs 🙂

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    • I’ve really been trying hard to keep myself occupied with projects whether it be for the department, or otherwise. I feel like that’s the only thing keeping me going some days. We really do have to stay strong for them, and I pray for all the LEOs out there as well, especially with all the craziness and hate lately.

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  6. Thank you for putting in words so eloquentlywhat so many of us feel. I am a new leow and I find allot of comfort in the sisterhood we share

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  7. I needed this. My husband of 10 years is a LEO and I hate it. I love him and respect what he does but it makes an absolute mess of our lives with kids. There is so much more I could say… I just feel alone and sad much of time but have to keep pressing on and hide it for the sake of my family. Thank you for this. It helps to know I am not alone.

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    • I wish we didn’t have to hide it and always be so strong for both our LEOs and our families. Sometimes I feel like we’re expected to just accept it or move on, and obviously we cannot do that when we love these men so much. I really is a comfort though to know that we’re not alone in our feelings though. ❤

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  8. I also am a LEOW and I have the same spells but mine come on a lot worse when my LEO is on overnights… We also have 2 small children and with me also working a full time job time spent together almost never happens. It is so hard to plan anything let alone get togethers for a holidays. I feel like a single mother most of the time, it’s like you are taking on the world alone… I really don’t have any support because no one really gets it unless they live it! I’m very proud of my husband and everything that he does. I wouldn’t change it for the world. Thank you so much for your post… It’s so comforting knowing that we all have each other! 💙

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    • There are so man things that make being a LEOW hard, but then there are those things, like being incredibly proud of him for what he does, that make it all worst it. I can’t imagine going through all we do, and having kids on top of it. Stay strong sister, and know that I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.

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  9. It’s comforting to know that other people understand. I have been with my boyfriend for about 9 months and he was just recently hired into a department. I’m completely knew to the whole public service thing, but he’s used to it since his dad is a fire chief. I live a half hour away from him and he’s still in his training with the department on afternoons. I haven’t seen him in 9 days and won’t see him for another 9. I’m having really really hard time adjusting, and I feel so selfish. It’s emotionally and mentally draining and sometimes I wonder if we’ll make it. It’s just hard. I’m so glad others are out there who understand.

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